I celebrated a birthday recently, it wasn’t a big birthday, though it was big enough. Jaysus, I’m 58, the next big birthday will be the big 6-0. How did that happen!!
Well I’ve been celebrating as if it WAS a big birthday, between a grand lunch with three other aul ones that lasted for 3 hours and could have gone on for another feckin 3, only I had been invited by my family to go camping. So it was a case of Cinderella slipping out of her ballgown and glass slippers, into camping wear. I didn’t even leave one of the glass slippers on the road in my haste to get home before my sat nav told me my journey would be longer because of the traffic. Prince Charming would just have to wait till next time!!
The journey did turn out to be longer, but not because of the traffic, my mobile phone was the culprit. The fecker lost power, 10 mins into what should have been a 40 minute ride. Jaysus, I wouldn’t mind a 40 minute ride, 5 mins would do me! Can’t say, like that Irish young one in Big Brother, that ‘my vagina is trobbin’ or anything, but you get my drift!
Feck, I’m digressing again. So, it was like my phone had laryngitis, the sat nav would speak, then go silent and I’d have to stop the feckin car to charge it up and wait to get even a teeny weeny bit of percentage, just to get the next lot of directions. Even ringing my young fella to let him know I was lost was a waste of time because we’d be less than 2 minutes into the call and the phone would go dead again. Maybe the universe was telling me to feck off back to that restaurant, down a few gin & tonics and enjoy the next three hours. But sure I would have looked a sight in my camping gear and the girls would have been long gone.
After many false starts, I made it and sure bless their cotton socks, the family had put up banners in the gazebo, even got me my own special birthday balloon (which thankfully didn’t say ‘nearly 60’). They’d already given me my present but presented me with a box of Milk Tray. The two family labs bounded towards me, one dropping a red ball for me to throw, looking up expectantly as if to say ‘Come on Nana!’ I obliged!!
Much yummy food and wine later, sitting around a campfire, I thanked the lucky stars above (though I couldn’t see them, could have been due to the consumption of wine or the clouds, who knows!) This was what it was all about, family, nature and of course WINE!!
Those unseen clouds that covered the stars that night were dark and heavy as they hung low the following morning. Then the feckers opened. The rain spilled all over us, there was no way to escape it, except to put sides on the gazebo, which flapped in the wind as we gathered around another campfire. Thank goodness for my family’s seasoned camping skills. Logs and sticks were strategically placed on the fire to keep it burning throughout the day. We sustained ourselves with food, as you do and sure my grandson was having the time of his life, in the muddy forest, slipping and sliding in the mud.
Now, I hear you say ‘That sounds like a feckin nightmare’. Not at all! What the trip may have lacked because of the rain, it more than made up with the male bodies that oft’ appeared as I stepped out of a toilet cubicle, at different times of the day. As most people who camp aren’t as aged as I, these male bodies were young and fit! I’d find myself cleaning my teeth in the morning, with a bedraggled head of matted curls and turn to see a fine thing, sleepy-eyed, taking his own toothpaste from his wash bag. On another occasion, I walked out of the door of the shower cubicle I had been using (thank God I dressed myself in there) to be greeted by a wonderful sight at the line of sinks. A half-naked man of muscular build! He had just a towel around his waste. Feckin classic! I’m telling you aul ones out there, there’s more to camping than sleeping bags and soggy tents.
The rain dried up that evening, the sun came out and well, suffice it to say, it was lovely! I had an early night, more to do with the hangover that had caught up with me, than anything else. The others sat around the fire and I could hear their exclamations as they’d see a falling star or the milky way. My young fella called me gently as I was falling into a lovely slumber to tell me what an amazing sky it was, but I wasn’t to be enticed. Even if it had been a delicious Milky Way bar that I could have consumed, I would have declined. Sleep was the way forward.
The camping trip was absolutely wonderful, my birthday was wonderful and when I came home and unpacked, I didn’t feel in the least saddened that it was over. All that nature, the trees that surrounded the campsite, the stars that I didn’t see, the sunshine, even the rain, had left me feeling very chilled out. As for the male bods, enough said!
The universe had a surprise for me that night, as I walked into the darkness of my tiny kitchen. I reached up to close a window and nearly fell into the bin. A brightly lit room across the street, without the curtains drawn, revealed the outline of a naked male with his back to the window as he strode towards a door. I was transfixed. No feckin way. He was in his birthday suit. Maybe it was his birthday too. I didn’t reckon it was a big one…his birthday I mean! I was stuck to the spot! Then he turned around and scratched his head and sure Jaysus, he had a bigger belly than mine. I promptly left the kitchen!!
I won’t be leaving my glass slipper anywhere near here, it’s back to the campsite for me. I’ll have to deflate my own birthday suit somewhat and give it an iron coz you never know who I might meet in those shower rooms!!!