Listen to Karen tell the story…
As much as I love this wonderful sunny weather, it can play havoc with the makeup, for us aul ones. Sure, isn’t it an awful nuisance when you go to the trouble of pencilling in your eyebrows, only to find, when you look in the mirror, while out and about, that the carefully filled in part of your balding brows has disappeared, because of sweat. Or, one side has an eyebrow and the other doesn’t. So, here’s the question, do you opt to pay through the nose to have them tattooed?
Sure I’ve heard of aul ones taking the equity out of their homes, to get those eyebrow tattoos, the price of them. But God forbid, should you greet Bridie, having a cream tea and ask ‘Jaysus Bridie, you’re looking grand..what’s different about ya! Ah sure, I know what it is, you’ve had one of them tattoos, over your eyes, well two actually, one over each’. Mother of Divine Jesus, in our day, if you had a tattoo, you’d have had to have had it hidden, so nobody would think you were a knacker. How the world has moved on. The tattoo business is thriving, with aul ones paying through the nose to join the dots above their eyes, so to speak. Sure what is a mother to do when her son or daughter insist on a tattoo, using the argument ‘but Gran has two!’
Imagine if you could get your less than hairy Mary tattooed, instead of having the bejaysus waxed out of it. You could have a Brazilian….well maybe not ‘a’ Brazilian, unless you go to Brazil and meet a nice aul fella with a deep sexy voice, or indeed if there was a Brazilian aul fella living nearby or online or whatever. Or in an effort to be a little different, you might get the word ‘Brazilian’ tattooed on your Mary and leave that aul sparse hair to grow wildly through. There’s also the option of getting the words ‘Lady Garden’ tattooed in that area..it wouldn’t be a flowery garden, but sure it’d save any of that aul waxin at all.
Losing some of the hair on our heads as we get older is a bit of a bummer and while we’re mentioning the bum word, research shows that lots of women have hairy bums as well as hairy Marys. Jaysus, I must check my arse, to be sure…though it doesn’t necessarily come with age, it could have been there for years and nobody was brave enough to tell me. Might have to extend that Lady Garden tattoo, to ‘Lady Field’, such would be the expanse of the area.
Now, why couldn’t we lose the hair under our arms, with age, instead of thinning on top and down under. You wouldn’t catch us tattooing under our arms or indeed our legs, if they did lose all of their hair. Sure isn’t it nice to have a little less hair there at all. Though with the way the aul eyesight fades, when you’re in that denial stage, where you convince yourself that you can see just fine, that’s when you can miss a few hairs on the legs. Especially if you decide on a DIY job instead of a visit to the salon. mIt’s more than a hairy Mary you’d have. But sure if you can’t see it, it’s not there, so you’d be oblivious. When a friend or neighbour shoves a free sight test voucher in your hand, suggesting you make an appointment, maybe then it’s time to consider that those non-existence hairs, just might be there.
Then there’s the ‘aul one moustache’…what’s that all about? Noticing one forming recently above my top lip, I rapidly picked up the phone to organise a waxing appointment ASAP. When they couldn’t fit me in for another 5 days I just said ‘feck that’ and took out the razor and a little soap and did a DIY job. It was only AFTER I had done it, that I researched it on the internet but sure it’s grand, though it may grow back less downy and more coarse. I can handle that. I was armed and ready with this info when I told my appalled bestie what I had done. Every time I’ve seen her since then, she’s been looking closely at my upper lip, without even realising it, likely expecting a full blown moustache to sprout at any moment. If I didn’t know why, sure I’d be thinking she wanted to snog me.
Hairy toes, there’s another one. Thanks be to Jesus I haven’t experienced that, and no, I’m not in denial…I have done the trip to Specsavers. Now who the feck played that cruel joke. With age if you’re unlucky enough to get arthritic, sure it’s harder to cut your toenails, never mind pluck your toes. And sure the feckin toenails themselves get thicker with age, never mind the hair on them.
Aging also brings hair on the chin. Jaysus we’d be better off buying a razor and shaving cream. The time in the bathroom will be getting longer and longer using the tweezers. Never mind the cost of all that waxing at the salon. Sure a spray of the shaving foam, on the Mary, the arse, the top lip, chin and legs and a blob on each of the big toes, would do the trick. Bob’s your uncle, it’d all be done quickly and cheaply, no need for a mortgage to pay for waxing appointments. So, you might have to do it more often, and it might grow back coarse but sure you’d save a fortune.
However, if you do decide to challenge the test of time and opt for a hair transplant for your head or eyebrows, TAKE HEED! Sure don’t they take hair from one part of the body and plant it on another. Whatever you do, don’t let them put you to sleep…coz you never know where that hair may have been taken from!